Normal

Ok, so I'm reading a book that many of you have probably heard of (if not, I HIGHLY recommend it). The book is Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller and it is an excellent book which I am shocked at every time I pick it up. I secretly think Don is the subconscious part of my mind, bringing things to light which I was kind of ok with chillin' in the dark. Sadly, I have the mind to realize that ignorance is NOT bliss, therefore, it's time I confess a few things to you, my readers and the general public at large:

I am terrified of normalcy, of living an ordinary life. I'm petrified when it comes to committing to one thing, one time, one place, even one person. I hate the idea of a nice-to-five life for the rest of my time here on Earth, and nothing scares me more than never being truly known. 

I suppose you could trace back these fears to childhood. Before I say anything more, let me first say I don't blame God or my parents for the many moves we as a family made; as of late, I've come to terms with them and realize that each move had a reason, a purpose, and came at just the right time. Growing up, we moved nine times and my sister and I attended nearly a dozen schools. My parents were involved in different organizations and churches, and rarely worked the same job for more than three years. I had many different friends which lasted as long as I attended the same school or church. As a result, we didn't live "normal" lives and lasting friendships have been between far and few. With that in mind though, the friendships that have withstood the test of time have been amazing, encouraging, and such a blessing for me, particularly in times of serious depression and anger with the world.

I didn't live what the media portrays as "normal", and that has been a small comfort all these years. Call it pride, call it a defense mechanism; I enjoyed being, what I deemed, one of the few really different people. I would (and to my shame, still do) make known how different and odd I truly was. I suppose it helped me cope with the fact that I did indeed feel on-the-outs. A wanderer with few close friends and nothing overly profound about me, I felt the need to, in some way, stand apart from my peers. 

All this to say, normalcy is something I don't want to associate with, for fear that if I do, I'll lose what has kept me from being just another face in the crowd. I fear that if I commit to one place, one time, one person, I will suddenly lack the mystery and intrigue that I've pretended to have for so long. But is this just sheer independence and my own rebellious nature?

And THIS is where Donald Miller comes in. There's far too much in my mind to write it all down in coherent words and phrases, but he has certainly struck a chord, I'll give him (or God, or both) that. Here is an average guy, living a normal life, going to university, not overly "Christian"...and yet, I find his story fascinating. I love how God speaks to him and gives him such incredible insight into how God sees the world. I love how something as "normal" as going to university is turning out to be the Ultimate Faith Challenge and the people he meets constantly push him to believe in something, to go deeper in life. I love how he makes the exact same mistakes I make, making me feel slightly less like an idiot. I guess it's like the infamous Mom line says, "Everybody's unique", which I used to take as a load of bull (pardon me...) for meaning, "Everybody is useless and boring" but now I realize that God doesn't make "boring".

Ok...let me sum up my thought process: God made man in His image, we are made in the image of God. According to dictionary.com (yes, not the best reference), one definition of the word normal is "the standard". So, we agree that God is the Ultimate Standard, right? Which would make God "The Normal". Then, wouldn't being "normal" mean you are, perhaps not THE standard, but close to the standard, meaning Christ-like? Meaning that to be "normal" is to be the closest to who God made us to be? Just thoughts, and I haven't fully thought these through either. Simply writing scrawled on a blog where the world wide web can read it. 

Thoughts, anyone?

God must love me...

Before anyone groans and rolls their eyes after reading the title...HOLD ON A MINUTE! This is not a sermon because we're nearing Easter nor is this anything that would single out my "religious" readers. In fact, I actually would like to take some time to brag about my Home, if you wouldn't mind. 
I know I mentioned before that this new "Home" is, indeed, new. However, that does not diminish the love I already have for this place. Let me elaborate by showcasing a few photos of my now-Home:

 
I have to add that I didn't take these photos; I found these on Google (give me a break, I haven't been here THAT long!)
So, ultimately, this blog is simply to say that I sure have missed mountains, blue skies, lakes, hills, sun, and just varied landscape! Don't get me wrong, I ADORE the UK. But nothing says, "I am a True Canadian, Strong and Free" like breathing in that fresh, crisp air while gazing out at mountains, some snow-capped and others covered in beautiful, deep green vegetation. Needless to say, I can't wait for Summer to finally arrive! 
Apart from living in this nature-lover paradise, I'm currently scouring the town for employment. I don't want to be picky, but I'd reeeeeally like to get a job in a coffee shop. Maybe I'm a bit of a hipster, but I love the coffee shop atmosphere, all warm and welcoming. Fingers crossed that sometime in the next week or so I get a call, or email, I'm not that fussed!
It's definitely a bit different living a "normal" life again. No strange accents, no walking around campus in my housecoat, no more pubs (anything that calls itself a "pub" here, ain't!) Still friendless, and you know it's bound to be that way for awhile when you get excited about your parents sitting next to you in Church. I honestly haven't the slightest idea about what's next right now. So many options, so much confusion, not enough time with God. So, yeah, that needs to be a priority!
Anyways, just letting y'all know that I'm alive and well, enjoying the wonderful, if not slightly bizarre, weather here and praying desperately for a job and a clue about what's next! Thanks a million! Write soon!

Home, let me go Home.

Home looks beautiful from inside the café. I look out and see the green field surrounded by brick estates with white trim on the windows. The grey skies have finally let up, allowing the vivid blue to make a welcome appearance. Inside, “The Civil Wars” sing softly in the background, creating a rather pleasant atmosphere as I drink my regular latte. Kaitlin sits in the corner, sipping her mocha. She looks at me and says, “I have a question that may seem weird but it has a reason…”

This is and has been life here in England. Though at times noisy and busy, sometimes it’s exactly like it is right now: warm, bizarre, cozy, and tasty! I love it here, everything about it. From daily tea and biscuit breaks to community meetings where our YWAM England National Leader bellows Scripture from the scaffolding, I have never had such a strange and beautiful time with such strange and beautiful people. 

The future is still foggy, which is why, perhaps, I’m so thrilled to be going home within the week. Though this place has been home to me for the past year and a half, I look forward to seeing family and friends again. I look forward to NO meetings, however much hilarity ensued during them. I’m excited to get a job (never thought I’d say that). And I look forward to seeing God move in my home country, hometown, and in me as well.

I’m also thrilled to eat Ketchup chips (notice CHIPS, not CRISPS), to go to Tim Hortons for an Ice Cap, to drive on the “right” side of the road again, and hopefully, never use an umbrella while I’m home! Here’s hoping and wishing!

L-O-V-E

Where did we go wrong?

Now I don’t mean "we" as in "me", "he", or "she"

I mean "we" as in collectively

As a church body that was once so strong

Now everywhere we go we’re seen as wrong

As ignorant fools who preach morality

But live lives of scandal and jealousy

As young men who profess hope and grace

But turn to pornography to take His place

As young women of fire, truth and purity

Yet whose swollen bellies scream of lost virginity

As old news that’s come and gone

A tired refrain in a worn-out song

I can hear Him crying from up above

This wasn’t what He meant when He said “love”

Love is not tolerance of evil deeds

Or a passive attempt at planting seeds

That we hope will grow and praise the One

But that hope is too fragile, easily undone

No, Love is more than simply a word

Love is an action, Love is a verb

To actively give away what is given to you

And in the hard times see it all through

To embrace suffering with open arms

For the sake of the One who saves us from harm

 

He died, crucified for love

Whilst we sat by, our push became shove

We distanced ourselves from the One

Not heeding His words when He said “It is done”

But not even death could overcome

Our Great King who sent His Son

With death beaten, now life enduring

What started small began suddenly stirring

A relentless love, more than history itself

A beautiful pursuit that now gathers dust on a shelf

How could something so precious, something so fine

Be reduced to folklore, this love that is mine

He gave His all, His life for us

Yet over the little things we fuss

Over our clothes, our hair, material things

They’ve become our idols, our lovers, our kings

Whilst the Man, the One sits on His throne

Shaking His head and sighing “Come back home”

I heard His cry while I was still far away

Empty pockets, a pig pen, pitchfork and hay

And I knew that I would never be worthy, never be perfect as He

But maybe a servant in His house I could be

But as I placed each foot in front of the other

Shuffling back towards the One, my Father

He saw me, still covered in muck and grime

Ran to me, hugged me and shouted, "You are Mine!"

 

That isn't poetry, prose, or rhyme.

That is Love, of the purest kind.    

       

I watch Films.

So, I've been watching films for the past 3-4 days, as there doesn't seem to be too much else to do during my "off time". Though most of the films I've watched are one's I have previously seen, there were a few new ones as well. And, they got me thinking. Like, really thinking. I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been on my mind during these films. WARNING: Spoilers Included.

1) An Education:
Synopsis: Girl meets Man, Girl falls for Man, Girl leaves school to marry Man, Man turns out to already be married, Girl attempts to get life back on track.
Ok, so what's been driving me mad about this film is that, although we clearly see the importance of acquiring an education rather than following the "fun" route, I think it's ridiculous how heavy the Girl's parents push her into a post-secondary education. Now, perhaps it's my own upbringing, but I have never once been guilt-tripped, forced, or or made to feel "less than" if I didn't go to Uni. I have a hard time watching films where parents try to force their children to live the lives they always wanted for themselves. I had less a problem about the Girl and the Man, and more about the relationship, or lack thereof, between the Daughter and her Parents, Parents who should have simply loved their Daughter and required nothing but her best from her.

2) Boy A
Synopsis: Boy is released from prison after having been charged with a girl's murder while he was young, Starts afresh under a new name until he is found out after having is photo taken after he saves a young girl from a car wreck, Viewer left to wonder if he commits suicide in the end or lives.
This one really touched me. I've been meaning to watch this film for the past five years or so, after having watched the trailer was immediately intrigued. Yes, it is not the happiest, most feel-good films you'll ever watch, in fact, far from that. However, the thing that struck me most what the idea of rehabilitation for criminals, particularly those charged while they are underage. One of the characters (the lawyer presenting the case against the Boy) says that the Boy is "bad" and "evil". These are the words used to describe a troubled young boy who's mother refuses to speak to him, who gets beat up by the older class mates, and is overall just a lost kid. Even though the Boy is guilty of taking part in a young girl's murder, during his time in prison and through the help of one friend/social worker, he is rehabilitated. But his rehabilitation is called into question as people find out who he is. It hurts me to know that even though this Boy caused suffering and suffered a lot, his past simply continues to haunt him and binds him to a fate he is not deserving of. No one deserves to be tormented and tortured by one's past mistakes, no matter what. There would be no hope if not for redemption and forgiveness. 

3) The Social Network
Synopsis: the story of Facebook, Mark Zuckerburg's character in the film screws over friend and foe leaving the Viewer with a sudden urge to delete one's own Facebook account.
Now, I don't know Marky Z. personally, nor was I present for any of the events in the film, so I will speak about this as if speak about just another Hollywood film. Watching this film I was, for lack of a better word, pissed off at Mark's character. I know you're not supposed to like him in the film, but he was terrible. He wasn't nasty or cruel; he was just indifferent to everyone but himself. It really opened my eyes to the selfishness that everyone is capable of, and how disgusting it is to see in action. It was painful watching a friendship literally destroyed because of petty jealousy and miscommunication. All I can say is, I desperately hope I will always be someone who exudes honesty, integrity, and selfless love for my friends, family, and even those that I'm not too keen on. 

Well, that's that. Not much else to this post. Just felt like doing something other than watching films. Besides, watching films alone in your room really isn't that much fun and, as an extrovert, I need to speak my thoughts somehow!

Nearly Home

Well, the September DTS has finally come to a close. All the trainees have either gone home or are traveling, the staff are taking advantage of a bit of down time, and I have moved into a new flat as of last Saturday. It all takes a bit of getting used to, but does it ever feel good to be wrapping things up!
It has been an incredible past year here, and I have not only seen the people around me grow immeasurably, but I myself do not feel like the same person I was at the beginning of 2012. While still in Thailand, I took some time to  write down all that 2012 had consisted of and what I hoped 2013 would include. Though the future is still uncertain at the moment, here's a bit of what has happened and what I hope will continue:

- new haircut, including straight-across fringe
- new piercing (upper ear)
- learned to bake, enjoy baking, and have an array of aprons now
- poetry-reading, wine-tasting, sing-song evening in Weymouth with Jeff and Jill
- No Makeup Month (best month ever!)
- spoke in tongues (and have continued since) for the first time
- learned that I love to paint and I would hesitantly call myself an "artist"
- I make mean rum balls!
- learned the beauty and importance of repentance
- filled with the Holy Spirit on multiple occasions (resulted in hysterical laughter and weeping...experienced a closeness to God I'd never felt before)
- gave many pep-talks, some including an impromptu prayer session
- learned to play guitar and the ukelele
- learned to Texas Two-Step, salsa, and swing dance
- made poutine for Cultural Night (Canada for the win)
- led a few people to the Lord (YES!!!!!!)
- painted a picture for a complete stranger and then prayed with her in a coffee shop
- saw provision in ways I didn't think possible

All I can say is that God is so good. It has been an amazing time here and I look forward to going home (can't say how long for) and sharing what's been happening with me to others! Homeward Bound in nine days, y'all!

Triumphant Return

So, dear Readers, I return to you once more! First, let me warn you that I am still without   much internet, so I most likely won't post for another three weeks, when I return to England and am once more reunited with my beloved, however beaten and bruised, Acer laptop! 

Thailand was amazing. I really can't think of much more to say other than just that; the people, the culture, the landscape, the food, the clothes...everything was amazing! Having initially gone into the country wary of what the time there would look like, I left feeling as if part of me was left behind. Needless to say, I will most likely be returning, God-willing, at some point in my life, for what purpose, though, I do not know.

I am currently in Northern Ireland, where the last bit of outreach will happen. I'm positive I have already mentioned this previously, but this is Home. I love every part of the UK that I have lived in and/or visited, but Northern Ireland, particularly this Belfast area, is Home and where, I believe, I will end up living out a number of my days. 

From the cold and brightly colored murals that depict victory and defeat to the ruckus of pubs teeming with friendly faces and old men who caution me to "watch out for eager young lads", I love this place! It has the best of any landscape; snow-capped mountains, rolling green hills, roaring ocean tides, castle ruins atop sheer cliffs, and so on. What more could you want, honestly? Perhaps aside from hot weather, sandy beaches, and tropical fruits...everything that embodies Thailand, essentially! Well, both beautiful, both stunning in every which way. But Northern Ireland is where, at the end of the day, I want to be, my cuppa tea in hand and hot waterbottle shoved in my jumper.

Ever since my outreach to Belfast nearly two years ago, my heart has yearned to return to this beautiful country, so rich in history and culture, so steeped in beauty and magnificence, so lost and hurting for a sense of destiny, purpose, and hope. I think that's part of what draws me here; this sense of excitement to share hope to the hopeless, peace to the restless, love to the hurting and uncared for. It's not only part of our nature to want to help others, but it's part of our God-given mandate, which is freakin' epic! I want to be a part of a Revolution of Hope here in Northern Ireland! I want to see a nation that has fought over its' identity for years walk in its' God-ordained, intended identity once and for all. How cool will that be? And I want to be here, part of it, tied to the outcome of this fight and committed to a cause, a purpose, a hope worth living and dying for.

And who knows, maybe, someday be joined by an "eager young lad" by my side? I'm not complaining...