It has recently come to my attention that as much as I talk about being content and rather happy with being a single woman, I do talk an awful lot about relationships. Not only do I talk a lot about them, but I'm starting to think perhaps I secretly want one. Not that I think one can simply obtain a relationship like some item on a grocery list or acquire one when the craving arises; we're not discussing chocolate here. Perhaps a better suited phrase would be I am secretly eagerly awaiting the hopefully inevitable pursuit of being wooed. Winded, but probably more accurate.
It is often confusing though. I view myself as being a strong, secure and independent human being, someone able to withhold petty human emotions like romantic love. Obviously, the sense of security I have within myself is skewed, and in a big way. I don't believe people are meant to withhold affection for the sake of independence, whether it be of a platonic or romantic nature. If that were the case, we really wouldn't need other people in our lives, would we? And being a person who literally lies on my floor if I'm apart from people and civilization for more than two days, people are clearly important to me and possibly my mental well-being too.
However, I am also one who enjoys bucking the trend. Example: in grade three, I vowed to always detest horses, dolphins, and the flute due to the popularity of those things within the female portion of my classmates. To this day, I am still wary of horses, claim that dolphins are evil, and think the flute is ridiculous (no offense to anyone who plays the flute or has a soft spot for either animal). And a seemingly reoccurring trend among my friends, classmates and peers are relationships, and poor ones at that. True, the older I get, the more friends I have who have been lucky enough to meet amazing significant others who better them, encourage them, and truly love them and I am constantly grateful to know wonderful couples like that. I suppose somewhere, deep within my proud and rebellious heart, I believe that if I can buck the trend as long as possible, than I've officially made it to Saint-like Maturity. As I continue to write this post, I'm realizing more and more how ridiculous this whole thing is, which is probably a good thing to realize now rather than 25 years down the road when I'm a bitter and cynical single still.
It's funny to think that my mother was married at my age, technically even a few months younger than I am now. Funny, and a definite check on where I am in life. I mean, my mother and father clearly had the maturity, the wisdom and the deep love that only a married couple can have by this age, something that I still feel so far away from. So, perhaps in my pursuit for utter independence, I've actually been pushing away the idea and reality of true commitment, which is ultimately the biggest sacrifice one can make and perhaps the truest mark of Saint-like Maturity, as commitment, whether to God or a person, takes an incredible amount of faith and trust. Perhaps in a roundabout way, I've been regarding relationships in a far more childish way than I care to admit...though I suppose this post just admitted it for me.
Before I end this long and convoluted post, let me reassure Readers that I have no intentions of trying to make up for wrong thinking by latching on to the nearest Available around me; that would be stupid, plain and simple. Don't expect to see any changed Facebook statuses in the near future either. However, now that I've shared my thoughts and am perhaps a bit more open to the overall idea of romantic relationships, maybe the next time my folks mention "grandchildren" I won't scoff quite as loudly! Lots of love (the platonic kind, I mean) to you all!
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