handshakes don't always do the trick.

Warning: This post is not a nice post, nor is it very light-hearted. Please understand that I do not wish to complain or point fingers or even look for sympathy. I simply want to write honestly.

We're warned constantly about coming out of a life-changing experience (namely YWAM) and what it may look like. I've endured the initial awkwardness and shift in habit, and, though I still refuse to say "trash can", I've re-adapted pretty quickly. However, one thing still bothers me, and that is my lack of friends currently.

Again, please no one take this the wrong way or get upset. Hear me out first. I have spent the past two years connecting with people from all walks of life, and going deep with them. I have cried, laughed, sang, and peed my pants in front of these people. I love them all so dearly and wouldn't change a thing about my relationships with any of them. However, it struck me yesterday afternoon. After yet another unsuccessful round of handing out resumes, I returned to my vehicle with a second coffee in tow for my mother at work. I got in the vehicle and froze. Now, understand that I love my mother and father with all my heart. I joke about them being old, but they are some of the funniest, most entertaining people I have ever come across. But that doesn't make them not my parents. They still are my parents, and I realized that the only human contact I've really had since coming "home" has been with my parents and their friends, who are in the same age bracket. I have had very little interaction with people my age, making me somewhat friendless right now. After two years of dedicated friendship-building, I'm back to square one with no one to even go for coffee with.

This isn't to say all is lost, nor am I saying that it's right to severe all past friendships. But let's face it; a relationship can only be maintained so well over a long distance. I'm leaving for Vancouver in two weeks time and plan to meet up with my friends in that are, something that I am thrilled about. But what happens when I come back here, without the familiarity of friends? 

I read a note someone gave me last year. This very dear friend wrote down different qualities they see in me and encouraging words for me. One words they wrote was, "Friend of God". Ironic that I'm yakking on about not having friends, and the One friend I've knowingly began to shut down to is Him. I suppose I won't know true friendship until I can learn to be a true friend. And if the only One around right now is, indeed, my Best Friend...then maybe I need a few lessons from Him.