This being my 50th post on this blog, I feel like this particular post needs to be a reflection of some kind, to evoke emotion in you, the great public and devoted readers of this blog. So, here goes. Try not to tear up. (Warning: use of language may offend some. Reader discretion is advised.)
Yesterday, driving from what I call my "new home" to what is now, quite understandably, my "old home", I was both excited and dreadfully frightened. I was excited to see sights which had at one point been oh-so familiar, to return to places that held much fond memories, and reunite with people who've played such a key role in my life. However, I was also freaked out of my mind for those exact same reasons.
Have you ever left a place that you think you can read like a book only to return to find that things are not quite how you left them? We are all familiar with this Paranormal Activity-esque horror scenario, though most of our situations don't involve ghosts (let's hope). There's a certain level of comfort about finding something the same way it was; it makes us feel at peace because we understand it, we have control over it. There's a beauty about certainty...because the unknown scares the hell out of us!
I have a very vivid imagination, but a relatively terrible memory. The only way I remember anything or anyone is by labeling them, whether by physical description ("Oh, you mean the lady with the Real Housewives of Texas hair?") or situational description ("Yeah, yeah...he's the dude who made farting noises in class and then got suspended for selling drugs on campus!"). I should let you know that both those scenarios were in fact made up. What I'm trying to say is that I remember places by the memories I has there; not by the name of the street or where a mall is located on a map, but my memories and the people that were there to share them with. But a memory is therefore tied to what a place has become and whether or not those people are there to reminisce with you.
Which brings me to reunions. I am terrible when it comes to any sort of reunion. I get awkward, look off into space, jumble and mumble my words, and am left scrambling for something, ANYTHING, to coherently say. I constantly feel the need to dredge up old conversations as a means of keeping the present conversation alive. This only amplifies the fact that I have a hard time not only keeping in contact with people, but emotionally reconnecting with old friends, a fault I am desperately trying to overcome. Apart from my family, I think I've skyped, like, three other people while I was away. I'm not proud of this and I'm very sorry to anyone I promised a skype date with and went back on my word. All this to say, I freak out about failing to rekindle friendships.
Now, you might be reading this thinking, "Wow, thanks for this uplifting and inspiring post. I think I'll go jump off a bridge now". Wait, this post has a happy ending!
So, I went to my old town today to meet up with a friend for coffee. I was nervous and sweating like a pig the whole ride there, while trying very hard to regain control of the steering wheel. As I pulled off the highway, I saw the old Heritage Barn, where I went to the fair with a coworker and we rode the Zipper three times, screaming like maniacs, and then listened to a concert under the stars. I drove past my old house, where I first discovered the importance of following recipes and the frailty of handrails. I past my old workplace, where I had my first car accident but more importantly, where I met amazing people who work hard and laugh harder. I wound up outside Starbucks, where I was to meet my friend, Alexa. I walked in and looked around, then suddenly felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around only to end up in a warm, long overdue embrace from a good friend. We sat, drank our coffees, talked about life (the big things and little things). I stared out into space a few times and brought up a few old conversations, but you know what? We had a great time, as awkward as I may have made it (I'm sorry, Alexa!).
I'm all about living in the Now, but the Now wouldn't be what it is without my Past. And though I wouldn't want to relive it, it's nice to visit every now and then!
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